New office crush

Well, not so new really.

I always felt drawn to him in the 2 years since I've been here but it was only just on the tip of my consciousness. Mostly because I only ever see him once a month or so. He's the bad, asshole, cheat on his wife, macho, heartbreaker ex-cop type with a gentle side that he obviously just plays up to make him seem to have a non-ass side. And somehow that is sort of my type, god knows why.

I used to go visit the desk of someone who used to work in my team but moved over to his team. Looking back now, half the motivation for my visits were to see him. I could see him smile a bit out of my peripheral vision at all the random things me and RDB would be blabbing about.

She told me that he was married with 2 kids, but it was well known that he'd had affairs with 2 other women in the office who ended up leaving out of heartbreak. She told me he was misogynistic and bullying of any woman that didn't fit his criteria of what a woman should be. I was like a junkie for all this, conveniently ignoring the reality of all the horrible stuff and fuelled my crush some more.

I can pick him out immediately from the 200 people that show up for our staff meetings. I'd look forward to the days he would be rostered on for intake or if he had meetings on our floor so there'd be a chance to see him, if only briefly. All those miniscule little things gave me a little pep to my day.

Lately he's been emailing back flirty little random things when I need to pass messages on. And he makes eye contact and smiles at me at those staff meetings. It's a bit weird but now I don't know what to do with the crush. It was much easier when it was just one way from me and he could be the embodiment of ultimate unrequited crush perfectness. But now, the reality check has come in. I don't want anything to do with him. I just liked having a mini fantasy to break up the monotony of the day.

Boobs again

My half wish has half come true. Somehow while I was day dreaming I moved up a cup size to a C. Still pretty average but yay anyway, I didn't think much development ever happened this long after adolescence.