Hookers

I live in the Cross. There are lots of hookers around. Near me the local hookers are often tranny hookers that look like rugby players.

So tonight, as I was walking home and opening the door to my building a bucktoothed, suited, gross suited man in his 40s wiggles his eyebrows at me asking me if I am a hooker. ICK.

If I wasn't so grossed out to touch him or even to be in the same vicinity as him I would have kicked the shit out of him. But alas, my only reaction was to go OMG NOOOOO and run into the building, leaving him to his bucktoothedness and wiggly eyebrows.

UGH.

People are fuckwit dickheads

See heading.

Crush

While it is nice to have a random shag on call, I have developed a crush on the Aboriginal-Irish-English guy at work. I don't know why, he's just nice and there's this uncontrollable urge drawing me to him. Even though he's got a kid and a partner, he's just really hot. Not in a conventional way but in a really surprising phhwoooooarr! sort of way that kinda knocks you about abit and takes you months to realise you're falling for someone.

It's fucked. I hate this.

Verbal Diarrhoea

Stress = dodgy flatmate doing a runner and trying to top herself. Stress = dodgier undies-man flatmate being super dodgy and revealing he is friends with a similarly crazy dodgy prior undies-man style flatmate, while not acknowledging that you are sobbing uncontrollably.

So now I have verbal diarhhoea. I can't stop. When someone says how are you innocently, I bombard them with that and more. I need to stop it.

Stress

Shagged a random last Sunday.

Feeling sorry for myself

I don't know if my scratchy sore throat is the result of scream-singing to the JJJ Hottest 100 of all time, combined with the cold air being too contrasting for my throat. I really really hope it's just poor decision making in singing about the house loudly, rather than being sick.

I hate being sick. I hate a flu shot this year for the first time ever and have been lucky to avoid illness, especially considering how bloody accident prone in general I am (hello Tetanus in Thailand, Torn Ligament Christmas in Holland, more ligament damage Missing a Mini-step In My Own Garage and Tumbling Head Over Ass With A Laptop in the Backpack I Was Wearing and Broken Toe Opening the Freezer Door on Sunday Morning).

On a non-whingeing note, wow I forgot how cute and sweet the Beach Boys God Only Knows was and super glad all those people made it the top 50 of all time so that I could rediscover it today. Seriously, despite my throat and now snotty runny nose, I am all happy and feeling all aaaaaaawwwwww over everything.

Booty Calls

I just booty called someone. Well, booty texted. Weird but whatever. I'm drunk!

Flirting with the law

I had to call the police today. Then the police had to call me back 3 times. I think the copper was flirting with me. But now he knows my name, address, job and birthday. I am expecting birthday presents now.

Quandry induced quagmire

I don't like being in a relationship. I don't want to be in a relationship. I totally judge all my friends who are married and would not trade my life for their miserable monogamous ones. I even remember as far back as being 4 or 5 years old and telling my parents how I was never going to be married, though I would be having kids, and totally believing it. And that was before I met the fuckers that would make me bitter about love and the idea of "love". I do still want kids though and still believe I'll never get married.

But I always want what I can't have. I lust and crush after random people for no real reason. It could be something like the way they said a particular word or phrase that sounded cool, or a picture they doodled, or a funny retort. I know it's pretty much just a phase of an infatuation but there's just no stopping it until it runs out of steam. And it's not like I really think there's any future in it or even actually wanting anything to happen as you can't really base an entire future on a funny doodle. It's a stupid crush that my normally bitter self would sneer at but somehow they co-habit without clash.

I have a friend who I used to hang out with a fair bit. He was not someone that I was interested in, but he was smart and made me laugh and was always just that little bit strange (but just enough to make it seem OK)(also it made me feel a little bit normal). Anyway it was nice. We kind of lost touch for a few months. Then out of the blue he says we should hang out. But on the day of said hanging-out, nothing. A week later I get a text saying sorry I forgot blah blah blah lame lame lame excuse.

Repeat vague non-showing-up and non-letting-me-know times 4. A bit annoying to say the least.

So now that he can't even make the effort to be friends with me, it makes him hot to me.

I am fucked up.

The Flaneur

In my first year of uni, we learned about the flaneur (thank you Walter Benjamin and Contemporary Cultures 1). It was such artsy fartsy pretentious stuff we had to like live and breathe for 6 weeks. Every other UTS Communications student I've met has lived through the experience of writing massive essays on the flaneur.

Yesterday I was walking back through Town Hall station. I am a pretty unobservant person and pretty much will go ladidadida while a roaring blazing fire plumes black smoke out of Centrepoint on my way to work. So it was a lot for me to notice that this homeless looking man is convulsing about on the ground. Heaps of people are sort of giving him a wide berth, doing the staring thing at him but then moving on. There's a group of about 4 guys in their late teens or early twenties pointing and laughing at this man.

So when I get up to him and see his eyes rolled back in his head, the uncontrollable convulsing of an epileptic fit clearly taking place and a bit of foaming at the mouth going, I immediately call 000. The ambulance man gets the details, tells me what to do to check on him. The coffee lady who's phone I had to borrow is all freaking out and not serving anyone coffee. At least she cared enough about another human.

The station staff finally arrive. All they do is put a fence around him. At this point he's stopped convulsing but is lying face down into a small pool of spittle. The look of utter disdain on all their faces like he was some scum who was messing up their lunch break or something.

The world is full of heartless fuckers. Worse than the flaneur, they purposely, actively would let someone die. It's not even asking to do someone a favour or going out of your way to do a nice thing. It's common fucking courtesy if you are human to do a very very very simple thing to stop someone from dying needlessly. People are cunts.

I hate not hating, it's too weird

It's a little disconcerting when Undies pretty much does everything I want and pretty much disappears from my life except for the fortnightly annoying conversation.... I hate saying this but I don't hate him so much right now.

He was even texting as he walked past me on the street so didn't see me, while I was going all spy-like trying to see if I could blend in with the posters stuck on the building so he wouldn't talk to me. But it was perfect, his floppy wig and ugly clothes just totally bypass me. I think I need to buy a lotto ticket I've been so lucky without a sighting for a while and without an actual undies incident for over 2 weeks now.

Damn it Buu. Stoke up that hatred! Let it fester and get all pustule-y and go all gangrenous. Undies must still die.

Criminal Tangents

Shit. That post got lost cos of my stupid internet connection. Thanks alot Virgin.

Anyways blah blah blah Undies ramblings about his criminal past and how his human rights are being breached now because the airport won't let him through or something and he wants me to do something about it. I'm immediately thinking deportation! woohoo!! but I manage to continue to studiously ignore him and he finally prances off.

I have tried to google him and find out if I really can get him deported and for once he has lead me to fun! Google Crimestoppers and check out the wanted lists. OMG hours of enjoyment there! I must say there was pride welling up inside me that Australia has the absolutely most bogan looking wanted crims in the world. Totally awesome.

Um I just walked home behind a man with a polar bear on his head

Super surreal. I nearly followed him all the way home I was so hypnotised by the polar bear (hat?)(I think it may have been a giant puppet he used as a hat??). I wish I'd remembered to take a photo!

If my life were a website

www.jordanianssuck.co.jd
www.yesanotherglassofwineactuallymakethatabottleplease.co.nz
www.ohmygodtheresafirefighterandheshotexclamationmark.com.au
www.myflatmateeatsmycheeseandicecreamanditannoysmelots.com.au
www.raspberrybrowniecheesecakeROCKS.com.au/mudgeeroadtrip
www.iamthefemmemacgyver.com
www.sowhatifimbitterleavemealonewithmybitterness.com
www.jamesmcevoydrooooool.co.uk
www.myotherflatmateprancesinundies.com.au/hesafuckwitwithbadhair
www.icantreverseparkcosihavenopowersteeringinmycar.com
www.iamsuremystupidityandrandomness.com/istheresultofabraintumour
www.icantresistbiddingforthingsonebay.com/thatitotallydontneed

Honestly this is great to release all the ugly anger in me, so therapeutic.

Oh and OMG how good are pancakes?

Pigdog fucker who pisses me off

Undies man returns home. I heard keys jangling but I couldn't get my shit together in time to bolt upstairs to my room. I was hope hope hoping it wasn't stupid Undies but unfortunately, it was.

I did everything I could to make him realise I was not interested in engaging in any form of communication. I did not look at him. I pretended to read the paper, while also being on facebook and texting Al. But the Pigdog Undies Bastard just kept yammering away. AND THEN even more arrogant pigdog of him asks me if I'm okay and coping because I haven't seen him for two weeks. AAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRR. I was all uuuummm bumhead I am surviving quite well without seeing you fuckbrain.

Then he goes on about how he fixed all these things in the flat and how we were all pathetic at fixing things and that was it okay that he was the man of the house who fixes things because he's so good at fixing things. FUCK OFF AND DIE FUCKING UNDIES MAN