Well, maybe just go away instead of dying

Glutton for punishment. Am I really surprised that having a job that involves negative, negative, negative, emotional blackmail, desperation, and the impending notion of life or death consequences on a daily basis was going to do anything except make me even more of a bitter and twisted bitch?

And yet, here I am still, not totally hating my job, prepared to go back for more more more. What the fuck is wrong with me? Or maybe it's that I am realistic and rational and a well paying job that allows me to the pay the bills and then some, maybe somehow that's keeping me in it.

Sometimes the little randomness makes it. The certifiably crazy man who told me about the failure of the "zig zog" that led me to the site of Why zig and zag, when you can Zog! that bizarrely made sense in his ramblings of fighting the powers and the corruption of the world. It was kind of touching and very enlightening to realise that there is always some semblance of sanity behind the insanity. The way all the crazies seem to say the same thing about the special messages being sent to them from the telly.

Ok, maybe I am being infected with this insanity now...... I mean, Mr Zig Zog did tell me after our 15 minute conversation (involving me going mmm hmmm huh? what? huh? hang on, huh?) that he loved me, because he had begged to Saint Helen for such a long time and he loved me, I love you Saint Helen.

He also had this weird way of phrasing things. "She was negative to I, disruptive to I, interrupting I". It may not be contagious but listen to that sort of stuff all day every day and you lose your way in being able to calibrate what is normal anymore.

Or perhaps it is because Mr Undies is out of my life and the poison I'm sure he laced through all my food is finally leaving my system. God. Mr Undies was such a tumourous cancer.

Anyway, I have ginger beer now. And inspiration to change my house (albeit from a crushed Ikea catalogue.... but still, you gotta get that inspirational vibe and take it when it comes no matter the source). I am looking forward to a lazy weekend of silence, of no whingeing, of being wonderfully, gleefully slothful. To being non-murderous!

Yes, the world is looking a little brighter, despite the very real thunderstorms outside.

Hello Manic-Depressive eh?